… is freakin JFK freakin International freakin Airport in freakin New York City!!
Because they treat every traveller like a common criminal!
So I reach home after a long long trip from Trinidad to Dubai, and notice my zips are not in the place where I had left them, tucked down into the righthand corner of the bag. That’s strange, I thought. So I plopped the bag down, and ta daa! What do I find? That I’ve been punked by the US Transport Security Authorities, and they opened up my bag, busted open all my stuff, and left a nice little note as an apology.
“Dear traveller”, the note said, “since you come from a relatively poor and dangerous cocaine smuggling country, we thought we would take a few minutes to crack open your suitcase and look through all your stuff. Oh, and the nicely packaged bags of Hong Wing Coffee that were carefully wrapped in newspaper and plastic bags, well they looked suspiciously like packs of cocaine, so we sliced them open to check. Turns out it was delicious smelling coffee instead. Sorry if you got coffee all over your clothes in your suitcase. Oh, and sorry about your bottle of pepper sauce too. We hope you have enjoyed this latest installment of the Patriot Act, which allows us to do whatever we want to do to people coming through our country. See ya!”
Or, something to that effect.
You see me and you, JFK? We done. That’s it. This relationship is not working out. I know you have a foot fetish, but I am getting real sick of having to take off my shoes every time I see you. I mean, at least give us a little carpet to walk on nuh, those tiles are damn cold! I am tired of everyone being treated like a suspect. And the time when I had a little stick of lip balm in my pocket, and the woman at the metal detector felt my pocket and asked me to take it out, when I said ‘it’s lip balm’ she didn’t understand my Trini accent and replied, ‘it’s a lip WHAT?’ and then forced me to put the lip balm (not BOMB) through a metal detector. And this rubbish about water bottles, when is it going to end? This is for sure the last time I go through your horrible stinking airport with its filthy bathrooms, disgusting fast food, and grouchy security personnel! Next time, I am flying through nice, clean, peace loving TORONTO!!!!!