The Top 10 Worst Kinds of Travellers

 

Travelling can be a stressful and exhausting experience. However, the problem is not really the flight itself. The problem is more the people that you have to share the plane with who. If everyone knew what they were supposed to do, and followed the slightest bit of plane etiquette, flying could be a much more pleasant experience. So for your reading pleasure, I have compiled, based on my own experienced, a list of the worst kinds of travelers.

(Caution: Rated M for mature language! I am not mincing my words with this one so if you don’t like cussing hard luck!)

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The Top 10 Worst Kinds of Travellers

 

  1. The douche bags who wear those inflatable pillows around their necks, and walk around wearing them like an accessory for the entire flight, whether they are sleeping or not
  2. People who dress in their semi-pajamas to ‘be comfortable’ for the trip. You don’t have to wear your Sunday best, but at least try to have a little dignity, could you? This is an international airport, not your living room.
  3. People who have giant pieces of carry on, and hold up the entire plane finding a compartment to stow them in. I actually saw someone the other day with a real live BOOM BOX. It was the size of a small coffin. I didn’t know people actually owned boom boxes anymore.
  4. The first timers who have never been on a plane before, and don’t understand that after take off you are not allowed to ‘sneak’ into a business class seat just because it happens to be empty.
  5. People who take off their shoes and then walk into the bathroom in their socks. Don’t they know the entire plane pisses and sprays on the floor of the bathroom? Gross! Your socks are now covered with the residual pee of 500 passengers! Again, GROSS!
  6. Screaming kids — its not their fault, and I’m sure it’s hell for the parents too. It’s just worse for the people around them because, unlike the parents, we don’t give a biological rat’s ass about the future Aretha Franklin wailing in the seat in front of us. This is why ear plugs are, hands down, THE most important thing to EVER take on a flight.
  7. Assholes sitting in the aisle seat who won’t get up when you need to pass, and instead turn their legs sideways to let you clamber over them. Yeah, good idea, you lazy prick. EITHER GET THE F&&& UP WHEN I NEED TO GO AND PEE, OR DON’T SIT IN THE AISLE SEAT.
  8. The technophobes who refuse to use any kind of scanner machine and take three hours to check in and get their asses on the plane. “Must… talk… to… a… human… cannot… trust… machines…”
  9. People going through JFK who try to do stupid things like take a knife in their carry on. I once saw a Sikh family try to convince the JFK security goons that Sikh men have to carry their dagger at all times. For the love of god, it’s JFK. Your chances of getting ANYTHING pointy and metal through JFK are about as high as getting bumped up to First Class and sitting next to a naked Johnny Depp.
  10. Pillow biters who actually travel WITH THEIR PILLOW. A full sized, pillow-cased, fluffy pillow, straight from their bed at home. Seriously, what are you, five? Did you bring Fluffy the Bunny too, to keep you company during your trip, so you don’t feel afwaid on da pwane?

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Do you have any other gripes about flying? Please feel free to add!

 

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2 Replies to “The Top 10 Worst Kinds of Travellers”

  1. People who forget the importance of personal hygiene. My worst flight ever was being stuck next to someone (on a full plane) that reeked like a corpse! Eight hours can suddenly turn into a lifetime!

  2. Please proceed out of the airplane row by row. I do not like being knocked back into my seat by an eager beaver far less having someone’s butt in my face for an hour before the stewardess even opens the freaking door.

    vicki
    Trinidad

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